Woke White and the Seven Allies
Woke White and the Seven Allies
Because the Revolution will Need Fairy Tales Too!
Once upon a time, there was a progressive and exceedingly inclusive kingdom called Hegemonia. In this kingdom, there was a young mildly gender-ambiguous student protestor named Woke White. Her/their radiant spirit shone as bright as the future she/they envisioned for all! Woke White lived in harmony with nature, regularly ranting about global oil dependency and throwing soup at artists painting by the river.
She/they were also deeply committed to fighting social inequalities by letting loose crates of crickets and cockroaches during gender-critical free speech lectures. Her/their skin was not the defining feature of her/their identity—no siree—her/their intersectional compassion was.
Her/their stepmother, Queen Appropria, was obsessed with maintaining her power and privilege. She often checked her status in a magical handheld mirror that reflected only the toxic standards of beauty, wealth, and validation upheld by oppressive systems. “Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who has the most likes and retweets in this land?” Queen Appropia would ask. The mirror, biased by centuries of patriarchal influence and a questionable algorithm, would always affirm the Queen’s status—until one day it replied, “Woke White is the most liked and retweeted of all!”
Furious at this disruption to Hegemonia, Queen Appropria devised a plan to eliminate Woke White with a brutal social media takedown.
Woke White, however, understood the systemic forces at play. When she/they fled into the forest, she/they weren’t seeking to escape but to organize a grassroots movement of like-minded individuals who could dismantle Queen Appropria’s oppressive regime.
Deep in the forest, Woke White came across seven systemically oppressed bodies working a lot of hours with no freedom in the workspace. Recognizing the problem immediately, Woke White called caterers and maid service then made an impassioned speech about ending white-bodied oppression.
Recognizing a new great leader, the seven systemically oppressed bodies, quit their jobs and declared themselves the Seven Allies, a diverse collective of individuals, each representing various marginalized communities and experiences. There was:
Gendrix: A non-binary person committed to fighting gender norms.
Allyon: A former holder of privilege who had renounced their past and worked to support underrepresented voices.
Equiter: An activist for racial justice.
Greens: A passionate environmentalist.
Awarum: A seer of hidden truths, who sought to open others’ eyes to their overlooked biases.
Empatheter: A refugee who believed in open borders and global human rights.
Transformer: A goofball who mostly liked to build folding robots out of matchboxes and talk in song titles but was always down for pizza.
Working together, they began to build a safe, intersectional commune called All Voices Sanctuary, where they could support each other and plan their resistance against Queen Apropria’s power structures. They didn’t rely on outdated, patriarchal notions of “saving” anyone. Instead, Woke White worked collaboratively with the Allies, ensuring every voice was heard.
In a surprising turn of bad luck, they disagreed on whether to use solar panels, burn bio waste, or install a wind farm and quickly ran out of money for building materials. Cursing the oppressive supply chain, Woke White knew she/they had to take action, as soon as she/they finished signing the zoning inspector’s citation.
Violation’s noted, Woke White sprang into action borrowing a camera. Then she/they and the Seven Allies ran to the nearest highway to film themselves blocking traffic to stop oil. She/they used the video to start an online donation campaign.
Meanwhile, Queen Appropria, desperate to reassert her control, attempted to infiltrate All Voices Sanctuary. First, she tried to use toxic beauty standards by offering Woke White a poisoned apple—symbolic of the unattainable ideals of physical perfection. Woke White, however, saw through this scheme, educating her community on how media perpetuates harmful stereotypes and unattainable beauty norms.
When Queen Appropria’s plans failed, she grew even more desperate for likes and retweets. So she sent out tweet bots of misinformation to discredit Woke White’s movement. But Woke White and the Allies, were prepared. They labeled the bots alt-right racist transphobe fascist terf trolls and refused to debate.
Deprived of the mirror’s validation, Queen Appropria was struck with mortification. She made a quick video denying any involvement in cyberbullying and crumbled into dust.
Woke White had defeated the oppressor and was now Queen/Sovereign. Her/their and the Seven Allies’ protest donation campaign was also a monster hit!
With her/their new power and wealth, she/they eliminated the zoning restrictions and used the cash to rename Hegemonia to All Voices Sanctuary. Then she/they built out the commune with solar, bio waste and wind power! She/they also made a brand new castle with the intention for it to serve as a dedicated space for marginalized people to launch healing justice, urban agriculture and food justice activism online.
In the years that followed, Queen/Sovereign Woke White lived happily in the castle, chased away any Princes with screams of ‘Death to the patriarchy!’ And whenever she/they were asked why there didn’t seem to be any marginalized people launching healing justice or any other activism from the castle she would say, “That’s a false narrative. It impacts me personally and professionally that people would accuse me of stealing from my people.”
Queen/Sovereign Woke White and the Seven Allies had created a kingdom where diversity, equity, inclusion, and sustainability reigned supreme, where no one was judged by their appearance, and everyone worked together to build a better, more just future, or else.
And they all lived in unity and solidarity forever and ever and ever and ever. ✊🌍🌈
Hey kids! 🚨 Be sure to put Woke White and the Seven Allies action figures on your Holiday shopping list!
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About
Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a Clinical Mental Health Counseling master’s degree at the University of Tennessee. What I encountered, however, was a program deeply entrenched in Critical Theories ideology. During my time there, I experienced significant resistance, particularly for my Buddhist practice, which was labeled as invalidating to other identities. After careful reflection, I chose to leave the program, believing the curriculum being taught would ultimately harm clients and lead to unethical practices in the field.
Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to investigating, writing, and speaking out about the troubling direction of psychology, higher education, and other institutions that seem to have lost their way. When I’m not working on these issues, you’ll find me in the garden, creating art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.
You can also find my work at Minding the Campus