When Halloween Takes a Political Turn: What’s in the Bag

What would Halloween look like if your trick-or-treat bag came packed with social justice?

Halloween has passed, but Social Justice ideology still holds sway across universities, schools, Hollywood, numerous non-profits, news reporting, and most social media. We will find out next week if it will continue to dominate the government as well. Regardless of how the election turns out, it would be short-sighted to think that one election would bring a sudden end to this madness, particularly for folks in California, Oregon, Washington, New York, Pennsylvania, and other points North East.

It’s reasonable to fear that for some it will become even more entrenched. And since deep autumn is high time to celebrate fears, let’s have some wicked fun imagining the future holiday nightmares of a world fully dominated with dreams of racial capitalism and performative Indigenous land acknowledgments.

So what would a Halloween haul look like in such a world? Let’s hear it commentated like the competitive platform it is becoming. Our three future world leaders are Dottie Lee Evans, Flanagan Burns Burns, and Ibram X EX.

Dottie Lee Evans

Alright, folks, we've got Dottie Lee Evans—age 7, Halloween sophomore but no stranger to the glories of unearned privilege—diving into her sack of "treats." The anticipation here is the real deal. Dottie Lee is primed for candy corn, Reese's, or, if the universe is ever in her favor, king-size anything. She is going in for the sack dump.

Her technique has improved since last year. She’s placed herself well away from the HVAC duct grille, but what is that tipping out, Oh no! She’s got... Kleenex. Yes, someone in her trick-or-treat route delivered her tissue. That will dry her white tears, but it doesn’t have the candy appeal, now does it? Dottie is staring at it as if it just told her there was no Santa. Look there, Mom sweeps in with a little lesson in taking accountability.

Wait, what is that coming out now?! It’s an "Intersectional Covid Hazmat Barbie"—complete with a twin layer chemical barrier, gastight boots, and respirator! Well, it’s not candy, but it is a prime haul, and… Oh, it comes with a Bureaucrat fashion pack, including a smartphone connected to social media moguls and threatening emails. Not too shabby, but ouch! Dottie spiked it right on the firebox hearth. 

Guess Dottie’s not a fan.

Mom is coming in from way downtown with a finger wag, but it’s Dad with a big turnover! He swings with a lollypop, but Mom has just voted him off the island!

What? Cut to a commercial brea…..

Ok, folks. We are back refreshed, and Dottie Lee is ready to dive back in for that sweet treat–candy!

She’s reaching… pulling deep, and it’s a mirror. Yes, an actual mirror. Perfect for self-reflection and the spirit within. But Dottie’s not buying it—she wanted Snickers, not existential crises. Ooooooooh, well looks like the next seven years will be interesting in the Evans household.

Continuing her misadventures, she pulls out a pencil and paper, presumably to journal about this haul. Time to jot down why colonialism was wrong while sipping on a juice box!

Are those tears?! Disaster, well you can hang a spider on that one.

Up next we have…

Flanagan Burns Burns

We’re witnessing quite the Halloween haul review with Flanagan Burns Burns, non-binary age 8. Flanagan—who, by all accounts, is on the fast track to becoming the Robin DiAngelo of their elementary school—has just pulled out a set of “Defund the Police” stickers. 

Flanagan's eyes light up, really light up, I don’t think I’ve seen this kind of joy since my mother found my crystal meth stash. Maybe they’re already planning which friend's backpack or nearby telephone pole will get decorated with this sticker.

Next up is a 100-piece climate march puzzle. This is clearly the trick-or-treat equivalent of asking a kid if they’ve thought enough about global warming between recess and snack time. Whatever happened to candy? You know in my day it was nothing but candy and cavities, but those cavities came later.

Flanagan looks at the puzzle with mild disapproval. Maybe 100 pieces is not enough to tackle the whole climate crisis before bedtime.

Good thing that’s gone, now they’ve pulled out a global water quality kit, because, what’s Halloween without an awareness of worldwide microbial contamination?

Now, folks, this is where things take a turn: a box cutter. Yes, a full-on box cutter. Flanagan's face shifts to one of glee. What could those neighbors be thinking? Perhaps it's to dismantle the patriarchy.  Maybe Mom will step in and… oh,  nope Mom seems to be clapping for this one. Well, that gives me the shivers in my timbers.

Moving on, we find some police tape. The combination here …ironic? Yes, definitely ironic. Do they surround their room with this as a no-go zone for, say, candy corn enthusiasts? Or perhaps it’s a décor suggestion, a way to add a little “statement barricade” to the family porch.

Finally, a lighter. Yes, folks, someone actually thought to toss a lighter into the mix. Flanagan’s wide-eyed expression reads both…well… there is definitely joy there. 

You never can tell what folks are really thinking, but I gotta wonder if Flanagan will consider if “fire hazards” might conflict with their zero-carbon goals.

How will this play out? Is Flanagan’s next move doling out a presentation to classmates on “Improving the carbon footprint of Trick-or-Treating,” or … they seem to be running off toward that new building under construction. Either way, they’re poised to make this Halloween unforgettable—and probably a touch controversial.

And finally, we have.

Ibram X EX

Ladies and gentlemen, now we have a real social experiment—unfolding right before our eyes. Young Ibram X EX, a kid with big dreams of the startup life and none-too-happy about the prospects of his social-justice-flavored name. But the big question we are all wondering, is it get out the rye bread and mustard for a grand salami candy time? Or is this going to be a rumblin’ bumblin’ stumblin’ Halloween unboxing?

First up: a T-shirt that reads “Anti-Racist Whites Only.” Whoa, Doggy! Now, Ibram may only be ten, but even he knows there’s a whiff of stiff irony in this gift. His expression tells the tale: a blend of “Really?” and “Am I being sent back to reeducation camp?” He is wondering if this is supposed to be empowering or part of some Halloween prank?

Next, a 10-year DEI lecture series membership. Ten years of social consciousness on a subscription model! Look at that grin, Ibram clearly appreciates the predictable income and recurring revenue model. Oh but now he tilts his head, likely considering that while lifelong learning is all well and good, but is this his speed of  “move fast, break things?”

Up next is a hot one folks—an invitation to the local no racists white caucus group. The look on Ibram’s face? Pure desperation. Sure, everyone wants to be a part of a club—but one that’s more Silicon Valley and less…whatever that is.

Now he’s pulling out some “punch up” boxing gloves. For a kid hoping to be the next Elon Musk, these might have some practical use. Ibram could be knocking down white supremacy and rising tastefully to lower management, or at the very least, practicing some affirming shadowboxing moves.

Next, we have a copy of Gender Queer. Ibram looks rather shy and embarrassed as he flips through those pages. Oh! Well, that is a full pre-teen-level cover slam! I haven’t seen a blush go all the way to someone’s toes before... This one might be a little ahead of the curve for him. He was probably thinking, “Is this an investor’s handbook?” Spoiler: it is not.

And finally, the pièce de résistance: a puberty blocker starter kit with a note reading “just in case you’re a girl.” This one might just send Ibram over the edge. His face, full of horror and disbelief, says it all: Halloween screeches sharply left, and he’s got to be thinking there needs to be a return policy for trick-or-treating.

How will this end? My money is on some enterprising preteen starting a new candy company next year. A round of applause for these three fresh new faces!

Housekeeping

Alas, with my dog’s unfortunate injuries, I did not have the time I had expected to write a Halloween tale this year. I will plan better in the future.

I am also going to turn on paid subscriptions over the weekend. Many many thanks to those of you who have found value enough here to help me keep this going. There will be some small changes to start, but my major interest is to share with people what is really going on in counseling, psychology, Academia, etc. so I will keep many things open to everyone.

At the same time, I do still need to pay my bills somehow since I’m not going to be a counselor. If becoming a paid subscriber is too much of a commitment right now, but you still want to help, consider donating to my GiveSendgo, or buying Thought Criminal merch. I love my Thought Criminal mug and drink with it every day.

Paid subscribers will have access to my private chatroom, the full archive, and additional content. I’ll keep everyone posted as that develops in the coming year, which should be exciting with some of the things I’ve been working on here in Tennessee.

Also, The Shining is still great y’all.

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About

Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a Clinical Mental Health Counseling master’s degree at the University of Tennessee. What I encountered, however, was a program deeply entrenched in Critical Theories ideology. During my time there, I experienced significant resistance, particularly for my Buddhist practice, which was labeled as invalidating to other identities. After careful reflection, I chose to leave the program, believing the curriculum being taught would ultimately harm clients and lead to unethical practices in the field.

Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to investigating, writing, and speaking out about the troubling direction of psychology, higher education, and other institutions that seem to have lost their way. When I’m not working on these issues, you’ll find me in the garden, creating art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.

You can also find my work at Minding the Campus