Deck the Halls with Microaggressions: Woke Gifts to Make Spirits Bright

Make your holidays woke, wild, and hilariously uncomfortable.

After all the doom and gloom about the state of the world, and with a slew of holidays, including Bodhi Day just around the corner, let’s indulge in some silly good-natured fun by exploring social justice gift ideas! Because who doesn’t want to spread cheer and moral debate under the tree? After all, nothing says ‘joyful’ like reminders of race in an artisanal package. There’s something for the whole family! 

** If this satire makes you uncomfy, scroll to the bottom for a brief discussion on the value of satire in maintaining a civil society.

🎁 Introducing the Petty DEI Dictator Kit! 🎁

👑 Rule Your World—One Tiny Command at a Time! 👑

Are you tired of people not following your rules? Do you want to experience the thrill of absolute power over all things equity? Then it's time to grab the Petty DEI Dictator Kit—the ultimate toolkit for the person who loves to be in charge...of literally everything! 😏

✨ What's Inside?

• Tiny Crown 👑 — Command attention with your righteous (and very glittery) presence.

• "Because I Said So" Button 🛑 — End all arguments in your favor, no discussion required!

• Miniature Gavel ⚖️ — Make decisions over who’s the most oppressed!

• Clipboard of Commandments 📋 — Dictate sweeping rules like "Transwomen are women!"

• Official Stamp of Approval – For approving who is allowed to identify as marginalized!

• Miniature Velvet Rope – For cordoning off important areas like college lawn encampments.

• Golden Pen of Praise 🖋️ — Award medals like "Antiracist Supreme!" or "Best Ally Ever!"

Whether you're claiming control over college campuses or demanding the revolution be catered, the Petty DEI Dictator Kit has everything you need to live out your dreams of tyrannical glory—on a hilariously small scale.

💼 Perfect for:

• Bureaucrats

• DEI officers

• University Administrators

• Kids who really like to be the boss

• That friend who always has to point out when BIPOC folx have internalized whiteness

👀 Ready to command? Start ruling with a kit that’s as ridiculous as your need for petty power!

🛒 Order your Petty DEI Dictator Kit today!

🎓 Introducing the Ultimate Certificate of White Privilege! 🎓

Tired of your efforts at dismantling white supremacy going unnoticed? Want a way to display you’re aware you have an invisible leg up in life with pride? Look no further than the Certificate of White Privilege—the ultimate document that says, “Yes, I understand!” 🏆✨

📜 What’s Included?

• Instant Social Benefits: Flash your certificate for those extra nods of approval, trust, and antiracist cred wherever you go!

• Exclusive Guilt Relief: Because why feel bad when you can own it? Frame it on your wall for the perfect conversation starter at brunch.

• Recognition & Awareness: Finally, a piece of paper that acknowledges what everyone’s been talking about all along. Use it to gracefully bow out of uncomfortable discussions with a simple, “I acknowledge my privilege!”

✨ Bonus Features:

• Auto-acceptance into DEI seminars (with optional “This Country is Not Worth Saving” module)

• Free pass for uncomfortable questions like, “Can you define systemic racism?”

💬 Perfect for:

• Holiday gifts 🎁 (why settle for socks?)

• Awkward office conversations 😬

• Humble bragging at parties! 🥂

Get your Certificate of White Privilege today, because if you’ve de-centered your whiteness, why not flaunt it? 💼

Now available in BIPOC!

🌟 Introducing the Ally Action Figure: Fighting Injustice, One Multiculturally Competent Gesture at a Time! 🌟

The ultimate hero for change has arrived, and they’re ready to speak truth to power (or at least retweet it)! Meet the Ally Action Figure—the first figure that really understands your cause without stealing the spotlight. 💪🌈

🛡️ Features Include:

• Diversity Mode: Press a button and watch as your Ally springs into action with supportive hashtags, applause emojis, and nods of solidarity!

• Virtue Signal Badge: Comes equipped with a glow-in-the-dark badge for those after-hours moments when you need to let everyone know you care.

• Instant Backing: A flip of the wrist and your Ally Action Figure holds up pre-made signs like "I Hear You" and "Doing the Work," because no one should be left unheard!

• Safe Space Shield: Protects against microaggressions and uncomfortable conversations with a deflective, yet inclusive, aura.

💬 With Bonus Catchphrases:

• “I see you, I hear you, I amplify you.”

• “Let’s unpack that!”

• “Silence is complicity!”

🔄 Flexible Engagement: Your Ally Action Figure is ready to join the fight—whether at a rally, on social media, or in the operating room! Always prepared to listen, stand by, and help others find their voice!

🎁 Perfect for:

• Gifts for friends who’ve read even one article on intersectionality

• Office diversity champions

• Little Social Justice Warriors in Training

• Anyone looking to do good without making too much effort! 😇

Get your Ally Action Figure today and show the world that sometimes, just being there is half the battle!

Keffiyeh sold separately.

🚿 Introducing the Guilty White Tears Shower Head! 🚿

Leading a DEI seminar and worried you haven't checked your privilege enough? Meet the Guilty White Tears Shower Head—the ultimate luxury for washing away the invisible weight of privilege while you focus on teaching all about white racial self-awareness. Why shed real tears when you can rinse off guilt with the push of a button? 🌧️✨

✨ What’s Special?

• Endless Apology Stream: Feel the cleansing power of performative regret as guilt-ridden tears cascade over you, ensuring you always feel just woke enough without lifting a finger.

• I Did My Work Rinse Jets: For when you need to rinse away niggling inquiries of accountability—those strong yet soothing streams are perfect for making everyone feel just a little bad for questioning you.

• Microaggression Mist: A delicate fog that leaves you feeling vaguely offended, but in a way that’s refreshingly hard to pin down.

• Deflection Sprayer: Perfect for those moments when you need a quick emotional escape—watch as accusations of grifting slide right off your skin!

✨ Order now and receive a bonus bottle of White Savior Body Wash—so you can scrub away even the toughest colonizer identity with ease! ✨

The Guilty White Tears Shower Head: Because when your ideology has no path to redemption, sometimes it takes extreme measures to relieve the cognitive dissonance.

Real white tears sustainably harvested in Appalachia and the rural United States.

Introducing Baby’s First White Fragility Tea Set: Learning Empathy, One Sip at a Time!

🎀 Perfect for the budding social justice warrior in your life! 🎀

Does your little one struggle with sharing or taking accountability for implicit bias? Now, with Baby’s First White Fragility Tea Set, they can experience the luxury of having difficult conversations about privilege and inclusion—while serving imaginary herbal tea! 🍵✨

What’s Included:

• Teapot of Tears: Overflowing with self-reflection (or is it just lukewarm denial?)

• 4 Cups of Compassion: Teach empathy and emotional labor, while keeping it delicate and fragile.

• Miniature Diversity Cards: Conversation starters like "What does allyship mean to you?" Perfect for the playdate table.

• Saucers of Safe Space: To catch every spilled truth or uncomfortable pause.

Encourage early growth in self-awareness, empathy, and the gentle art of discussing decolonization over pretend Earl Grey. It’s more than just play—it’s advocacy! 🌈💪

Baby’s First White Fragility Tea Set: Because activism starts young, and tea is best served piping hot… with a side of postmodern ennui!

Order now, and we'll throw in a tiny book of performative wokeness—for free!

Commercialize the Revolution!

_________________

I hope you enjoyed this bit of levity. If not, read on.

**It used to be you could poke this kind of fun, and folks would know that it came from a place of camaraderie. It is definitely a way to let off some of the steam created by our differences. Today, we are so polarized, this kind of humor is risky. Some will be offended and label this post rude or even bigoted. Nonetheless, I believe my work here and my history speaks for itself.

Satire serves a vital purpose: it critiques social transgressions, violations, or wrongdoings while simultaneously it entertains. Tom Tomorrow describes satire as, “a two-pronged assault. There are lots of things in this world you need to be outraged about, but outrage unchecked by laughter will eat you up inside. You need to laugh.” If we can’t laugh, we fight.

I am critical of Critical Theories ideology because it promotes authoritarianism and intolerance under the guise of justice. As Maya Angelou reminds us, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

I’ve seen how believers treat people when they have the power to do so, and found myself helpless as they ran roughshod over due process, the rule of law, and their own superficially stated values. As when Superman Smashes the Klan, I’m using the power of entertainment to make my point. This must be called out.

I’m doing it this way because I believe that good people have come to believe in this ideology. I have no desire to see them face mob-driven justice, but to diffuse some of the anger caused by the harm they’ve inflicted on others.

We can all agree that bigotry in any form is corrosive to society. If we are to heal the divisions this ideology has deepened, we must create a pathway for people to re-enter the conversation. Satire allows me to express legitimate frustration while still preserving the shared humanity of those who have caused pain.

Justice, however, must be tempered with mercy.

Without mercy, we risk tearing each other apart. Even those with questionable motives deserve due process and the same vigorous defense we would want for ourselves if falsely accused. When we erode these principles, we erode them for everyone—including ourselves.

Housekeeping

In the coming weeks, I will be exploring exactly what they are teaching new mental health counselors in more depth by looking at the current textbooks. I will also contrast this material with what time-tested psychology knowledge has shown to lead to group cohesion and individual well-being.

I will also jump in if interesting news presents itself, and there is more fun and relaxation planned for Fridays. Hopefully, fate doesn’t laugh at my plans. Either way we will find out.

About

Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the University of Tennessee. What I encountered, however, was a program deeply entrenched in Critical Theories ideology. During my time there, I experienced significant resistance, particularly for my Buddhist practice, which was labeled as invalidating to other identities. After careful reflection, I chose to leave the program, believing the curriculum being taught would ultimately harm clients and lead to unethical practices in the field.

Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to investigating, writing, and speaking out about the troubling direction of psychology, higher education, and other institutions that seem to have lost their way. When I’m not working on these issues, you’ll find me in the garden, creating art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.

You can also find my work at Minding the Campus

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