America’s Great Renaming - The Official Guide to Never Knowing Where You Are Anymore
Remember when places had names? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
It has been just over three weeks since President Trump took office, and many, especially those on the left, are reeling. I saw on Facebook where a former artist friend and her family had packed up and moved to Iceland.
That seems extreme to me to say the least, but I wish them well and I hope they like fish, snow, and the occasional volcanic outburst.
This week has left me feeling caught out by the rapidity of this much change, even though I agree some of it has been sorely needed. Still, I wish I could have a moment to catch my breath. We even have a new Gulf of America, and we can recycle old maps that show Mt. McKinley.
I’m not sure how far the renaming will go, but of all the things shifting back and forth every time an opposing party takes office, I like the renaming of everything least, whoever is doing it.
In fact, I call foul! For those of us who have enough history to know the old names, this is practically externally imposed dementia.
Well, what’s cool about the modern age is that everyone can self-publish, so we don’t have to take this lying down! To make this easier for everyone, I’ve come up with some final names—not the old politically incorrect names that got folks so worked up, but names that are so wildly direct that you’d never need to change a thing.
I think this is a win-win.
First off in Alaska, we have:
F***ing Cold - Formerly Utqiagvik, formerly Barrow.
If the alternative is to toggle between a name that seems to be missing a wheel and one that gives spelling bee nightmare vibes, let’s meet in the middle with something descriptive. With a margin of only 6 votes for the name change why not pick something that we can all objectively agree on?
For California, we have an overachiever!
Prince - Formerly Yokuts Valley, formerly Squaw Valley, formerly Mushtihnau -
With this much dispute over a name, let this be a stopping point before someone suggests an unpronounceable symbol.
New Jersey is also into the action with:
Progressive Karma College - Formerly First College, Formerly Wilson College -
Princeton has been leading the charge in getting President Woodrow Wilson’s name the heck off their buildings. As a school for smarty-pants, their governing bodies should be looking ahead at the writing on the wall.
In Florida, we have -
Spawn - Formerly Cape Canaveral, formerly Cape Kennedy, formerly Cape Canaveral -
When your common thread is a cape, why not go mythic?
Dear Connecticut, home to:
Shut Your Mouth - Formerly Family Academy of Multilingual Exploration, formerly Christopher Columbus Family Academy.
Because, my gawd, it’s shorter than ever before, and it gets across the self-censoring message expected in any good North Eastern Academy.
And in my North Carolina heart, home to -
Ft. Hooah - Formerly Ft. Bragg, Ft. Liberty, formerly Ft. Bragg.
Home of the 82nd Airborne and the Special Forces. You all are the bomb no matter what they call the base. If you don’t like this, take your pick…seriously no one will argue with you.
From all the way in Oregon we have:
Disputed - Formerly University Hall (temporarily), formerly Deady Hall
When your name has been temporary since 2020, you’ve really made a choice, haven’t you? The first step to wisdom is to acknowledge reality.
Sibling Rivalry - Formerly Civil War.
If the University of Oregon and Oregon State University are not comfortable using the term ‘civil war’ for their athletic competitions let’s call it what it really is.
A surprise entry from Louisiana gives us -
Leonidas Hall - Formerly College of Education and Behavioral Sciences, formerly Leonidas K. Polk Hall.
Are you kidding me? This is Sparta!
Massachusetts, Massachusetts, Massachusetts is there a tax with that? This is your new Walpole High School mascot!
Puppies! - Formerly Walpole HS Timberwolves, formerly Walpole HS Rebels.
Just noticing the trend, why not advance to the end immediately while upping your potential merch revenue? It’s a 2-fer.
And once more from Florida,
Banana River - Please never change. You’re perfect.
For folks who overly identify with their places or mascots, please rest assured no offense was intended by this silliness, and it comes with no governmental authority.
I’m still hoping that we can find a way back to a world where we can laugh at each other, our sacred cows, and ourselves. What kind of place would you call that? Maybe the United States? Sure we’re a wee bit crazy here, but look at everything we have accomplished despite our short-comings, tunnels through mountains, sky scrapers, chocolate chip cookies, air-conditioning, banjo clocks. The list goes way way on. Think on it, maybe it will grow on ya.
Housekeeping
It’s been a busy week. I can’t begin to reiterate all of that. Of most note, I sent some communication to the incoming administrators at the Department of Education. It’s hard to say what will come of it, but maybe it will be something? We’re finding out.
On the Bookshelf
Give me a minute. I’m just going to rewrite these things as memes and call them read.
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About
Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a Clinical Mental Health Counseling master’s degree at the University of Tennessee. What I encountered, however, was a program deeply entrenched in Critical Theories ideology. During my time there, I experienced significant resistance, particularly for my Buddhist practice, which was labeled as invalidating to other identities. After careful reflection, I chose to leave the program, believing the curriculum being taught would ultimately harm clients and lead to unethical practices in the field.
Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to investigating, writing, and speaking out about the troubling direction of psychology, higher education, and other institutions that seem to have lost their way. When I’m not working on these issues, you’ll find me in the garden, creating art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.
You can also find my work at Minding the Campus